This can be as simple as complimenting someone on how good they look, approaching an attractive stranger you don’t know, establishing clear and strong boundaries, or expressing your undying love to someone. You just freely express your thoughts, feelings, desires, and opinions regardless of what others might think of you. Vulnerability is consciously choosing to NOT hide your emotions or desires from others. We’ll get to those soon, but first, I want to be clear about what genuine vulnerability is: A lot of behaviors that might look like displays of vulnerability on the surface are actually incredibly manipulative and/or needy, i.e., the opposite of being vulnerable. Trust me.Ī lot of people-especially those who’ve spent their entire lives covering up their emotions-have a hard time knowing exactly what vulnerability is. So I’m here to try to fix that.ĭon’t worry, I’m not going to make you sit around the campfire with me and sing songs about how great we all are deep down inside… although, it might be just as uncomfortable at times.īut I promise you this: it’s worth it in the end. It’s also probably one of the most misunderstood concepts I write about. Vulnerability is a cornerstone concept in pretty much all of my writing, from dating and relationships, to finding a career you enjoy, to connecting with the world around you-all of it. Trust me, it’s not.Ĭonnecting with others in this way by being vulnerable-as opposed to overcompensating and trying to get everyone to like you-will result in some of the best interactions and relationships of your life. As a result, every aspect of my life revolved around people-pleasing, hiding my faults, covering my tracks, blaming others. The mere thought of someone hating me, girl or guy, would literally keep me up at night. My entire young life I was terrified of anyone not liking me. Don’t do anything “crazy” or “stupid” or “selfish.” For whatever reason-maybe our home situation, maybe childhood trauma, maybe our parents didn’t ever express their emotions either-we’ve grown up with habits embedded deeply into us to keep us stifled and bottled up.ĭon’t be controversial. Many of us weren’t taught how to express our emotions freely. The idea of asking someone out openly scares you because of the possible rejection.Īll of these are symptoms of a root problem: an inability to make yourself vulnerable.Smiling at strangers makes you feel creepy.Dressing extremely well makes you feel uncomfortable.You haven’t exercised or groomed yourself to the extent that you could because you didn’t want to stand out too much.You’re stuck in a job or lifestyle you don’t truly enjoy, because other people always told you that it was a good idea and you didn’t want to upset or disappoint others.You consistently fall into boring conversation topics because they’re “safe” and shallow and you don’t have to risk offending or inciting anyone with them.Humor me for a moment-read through this list and tell me if any of it applies to you: Well, I’m here to tell you that vulnerability is far simpler, more mundane, and yet way more powerful than all of the preconceived, wishy-washy notions you might have. Maybe you’re one of those people who cringes when they hear the word “vulnerability.” Maybe the very thought of being more vulnerable nauseates you, conjuring up images of holding hands around the campfire while you cry over how your best friend doesn’t love you like you love him, or whatever. Written By Mark Manson – filed under Dating Advice | Relationships
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